How does insecurity affect a relationship?

5 steps to overcome insecurity in relationships

Last update: 04 January, 2017

When entering into a relationship, it is easy to feel emotionally vulnerable, especially if you've had a bad experience that ended in emotional harm and in which you were disappointed.

Questions like "Will I be outcast again?", or, "Am I doing something that bothers him?", many who do not have that much experience or have had negative experiences ask themselves.

Insecurity in relationships: seeing problems where there aren't any

When we feel insecure in any relationship or situation, we create additional complications because we see problems wherever there really aren't any. And with that the cat only bites its own tail, because one becomes more and more insecure and our imagination will dominate any situation.

The uncertainty ensures that we look everywhere for signs that things are going bad, and that we think we are seeing signs of problems in absolutely insignificant little things. And of course we find what we are looking for, even if it doesn't actually exist.

Tips to stop feeling insecure in your relationship

What can we do to overcome this uncertainty to live in a love relationship without breaking it for unfounded reasons? We will deal with this in the following.

# 1- Don't let your imagination mess with reality

Self-mortification and unpleasant memories can make us feel our past is very bad. Repeating in our minds what happened, or what could happen, can mess up reality. It is this endeavor to want to imagine what would happen if what happened were repeated or if things were one way or another that unsettles us.

But often this is pure uncertainty about what might happen. It does not result from personal experience, but from the experiences of others whom we have witnessed, or from our upbringing, through which we have a certain picture of how a relationship should be and how it works. They are generalized ideas based on the experiences of others from a perspective that may not necessarily be ours.

The next time you feel insecure, ask yourself if something really happened or if you are just imagining it. You should be able to differentiate and view your own relationship in terms of your own experiences and social and cultural stereotypes.

# 2- Don't get caught in the certainty trap

Relationships are never exactly what they should be. But getting caught in the certainty trap that this is how things should be just adds to the uncertainty when we realize that something is going wrong.

When things don't go as we believe they should, we lose control because we are unable to really look at what we see, so we allow our imaginations to take control.

Let yourself into the uncertainty, don't try to control everything and enable yourself to get to know the other and yourself in a new relationship. Stop making up your mind, cling to a pictorial life, and really live and enjoy.

# 3- Give your partner room to breathe

The foundation of a relationship is built together, and you do not have the right to demand that the other be the way you would like them to be, and that they live the relationship according to your own guidelines, with the sole aim of making yourself feel safe.

Trust and respect develop little by little, as does love. The fact that you've found a partner who might suit you doesn't mean that everything has already been said and all cards have been played.

The relationship needs to grow, just like a newly buried seed that needs loose soil for water and oxygen to mix in. The same thing happens in a relationship. Lace it up very tightly doesn't mean it will die, but it won't unfold that way.

# 4- stop "reading minds"

This is a problem in many relationships, not just love ones. We believe we know what the other is thinking and act accordingly. But since we don't bother asking him or go on the defensive when we do, we just pretend it is true.

And again we imagine something.

# 5- stop comparing relationships with others (your own and those of others)

All of your uncertainty is based on your experiences and stereotypical ideas about how things should be.

You have to free from these fetters and give your relationship the opportunity to develop freely. If you don't leave your past behind, you won't have a future.

Enjoying your relationship should be your priority

If you want your relationship to last, only time can decide. So stop pretending the world is going to end if you don't make sure you find the right partner and enjoy life.