Why am I afraid of true love?

Are you afraid of true love?

Last update: 28th July, 2017

We have relationships that last a night, a couple of hours, maybe a day or a month. Nothing to be committed to. Nothing that makes us feel more than desire. Nothing that involved showing love, feelings, tenderness or affection. Are we afraid of true love?

We make up all sorts of excuses to protect ourselves: “I love my freedom. I wanna stay single I don't want to make commitments, don't want to distance myself from my friends.And I don't have any time either. " But in fact, we just fear ourselves.

Discover what true love is

According to the psychologist Walter Riso we should distinguish between good love (healthy, constant, and constructive) and bad love (unhealthy, impermanent, and destructive). True love is always characterized by three elements and if one of them is missing, then the relationship is condemned to create suffering.

“There is only one true, authentic love. But there are many copies of love. "

François de la Rochefocauld

The three elements of love are eros, philia and agape. Eros is sexual desire, which shows up as obsession, infatuation, and passion. This is the most selfish facet of love. Philia is the friendship in the relationship that allows both people to overcome their egos and share things with each other. Agape is the selfless, tender and sensitive part of love.

As the relationship progresses, one element may dominate the other, but all three should always be preserved. A scientist from Stony Brook University (New York, USA) has proven that Love can really persist over time.

The researchers scanned the brains of several couples. Some had been together for more than 20 years and some only recently. They compared the results and found that one in ten older couples has the same biochemical and physiological parameters as a couple newly in love. This shows that it is possible to maintain the high level of the new love for a long time.

Reasons We Fear True Love

When we hesitate to try new things that involve opening up or that could cause us harm, it paralyzes us. It prevents us from discovering true love. It is logical that some relationships work and others don't and there will always be some risk.

"It is enough to look at you to know that you penetrate my soul."

Julio Cortazar

Everything is very rushed in our society. We don't stop to get to know other people and we stumble from one relationship to the next without letting ourselves feel for the other person or enjoying learning about and with them. This is due, among other things, to the following fears:

Fear of vulnerability

Starting a new relationship makes us feel insecure and vulnerable because we need to open up to the other person. And sometimes it's easier to give our body, not our soul. We feel a lack of control over what might happen in the future and that scares us.

"May we all have the courage to be alone and the courage to risk being together."

Eduardo Galeano

We don't know the other person yet, which can lead us to distrust them. However, getting to know someone and starting a relationship with them always involves a certain degree of risk. Accept. What you feel. and expressing your desires is importantto create a basis for true love.

Fear of new wounds

Everyone has had a breakup or other painful situation, but over time the heart heals. When we meet a new person but then we remember the pain and fear of being hurt again arises.

This burden can keep you from being yourself in the presence of the person you are just getting to know. But if you show him only part of you then he cannot recognize your true feelings and desires either.

Fear of suffering

Many people identify love with suffering and therefore do not want to start a new relationship. If someone shows interest in them, they run away. If this applies to you, then you need to break away from limiting thought patternsthat distort reality and keep you from true love.

Fear of losing the other person is an obstacle to a healthy relationship, because it leads to you trying to own your partner instead of loving them. This desire for possession can lead to suspicion, your partner distancing themselves from you, and deteriorating the relationship.

Afraid of having less time to spend with friends and family

Many people don't want a relationship because they think they will distance them from their friends. But Maintaining relationships and friendships doesn't have to be that complicated. These are two areas of life that can complement each other without leading to conflict. And it's the same with family. Some think that a new relationship would weaken the bond with their family and therefore avoid them.

Overcoming these misconceptions and integrating everyone you care about into your life can make you very happy.

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