Is life difficult after divorce

Divorce for beginners

First things first. Everyone wants to know, especially those who have been married for many years, after the second beer at the latest: "Honestly: Have you ever regretted separating from your husband?" I would have had two and a half years to do this. But my answer remains: No, really not. And no, never. I see our breakup story as a happy ending. Because how could a relationship that lasted more than twenty years, from which two wonderful children emerged, be a tragedy? For one phase of my life the man was the right one, but everything and everyone changes and now the next part follows. It has been proven that constant stress causes difficult reversible damage to the body and soul. For years in an unhappy relationship too living in which no conversation or therapy changes anything and not being free from this influence is neglecting self-help Supermarket I hear couples arguing about trivialities like the type of yogurt, with this routine spitefulness that proves that it's all about supremacy and mutual injuries, I think: Everything done right. I don't want to end like this.

Divorce: getting to know yourself anew

Ex. And hops! I keep jumping back to normal every day. I get to know each other again or new, change opinions and parameters, question myself. For what reasons did I accept which dependencies in the past, leave important things such as family financial management to my husband out of fear, tradition or convenience? For the first time I am seriously interested in contracts and insurance, and this control, which I never want to give up again, gives me confidence.

Divorce: staying together for the sake of the children?

For that I have now heard too many stories from women who just want to have peace because of their children and for the sake of peace, regardless of the price. A lawyer friend of mine said: "Sad as it is, but in my practice I see that about 80 percent of men mutate into assholes." Most would definitely not want to pay for their ex-wives or ex-children, "on principle", even if they had money. Often there would already be a new woman in whom they invested their capital in a more emotionally and sexually profitable way.

So if a mediator and the remains of goodwill are not enough to find a sustainable solution, one has to put on armor, gather strength and troops, sharpen sword, mind and tongue. No false generosity, which is often understood and exploited as a weakness.

"I wanted to have a future. Instead of a remaining term"

Because while the modern new single woman is still trying to maintain the unpartned harmony in mediation conversations, her future ex-husband sits with the lawyer shortly afterwards to get his little sheep dry. Especially when he feels offended that she actually has the nerve without wanting to be happier for him. The woman, on the other hand, falls from the clouds if the man does not stick to what was agreed in the mediation conversation. I can therefore only warmly pass on the good advice from my lawyer friend: "You have to look at it from a sporting point of view. It's not about feelings or recognition - it's all about money! It has nothing to do with you personally!"

New love after divorce

"And otherwise? What does love do?" Is the second question that everyone asks me. Well, although my mother is right on the one hand that "this Internet has not made men better", this chapter is far from over, as I thought with satisfaction for a while. There are interesting people, new friends, lots of anecdotes and now there is a new man who makes my life more fun and pleasurable. Holding hands is a foreplay that will have an aftermath. "How is Is that about him? ", asked a friend and I automatically began to grin when thinking about it:" Like a mixture of telepathically transmitted and implemented favorite fantasies and spiritual experience. "" Oh, "she said. And then, slightly depressed : "I would rather not have known that now." Great sex with love in any case produces more full-body glow than all anti-aging measures combined.

Building a functioning relationship alongside my everyday life with the children is difficult, but feasible. I recognize mechanisms faster, take feelings as important as a guide and practice clearly delimiting myself. And I think: in the worst case, I can still walk. I now know how it works. And I know it will continue after that. So nothing stands in the way of happiness. At most myself. And my ex-husband seems happy too. His new girlfriend - younger, childless - takes him to triathlon training, he's in better shape than ever. I saw him from afar in the supermarket recently and almost accidentally flirted with him until I recognized him.

Yes, I would have liked to have lived as a happy family in our idyllic little Shire. But when Mordor casts its shadow, you can't keep your eyes and doors closed to the fact that it will soon be dark. In order to have a future instead of a residual term of life, you have to go on a journey. Being alone together would have been the thing I would have regretted if I had been as old and immobile as I have felt for the past ten years.

Maybe also interesting: dating as a single mother