I'm really thin, what should I do?

What to do when you feel too fat (but you are not)

"I think I think too much about food."

"How often do you think about it?"

"Almost always. At least at every meal. "

"Well, I see a very pretty woman with an enviable figure"says my therapist. "But i don't think you have an eating disorder. I think you are mentally out of balance due to your experiences over the past few years. When you're better overall, those thoughts will go away. We keep an eye on that and look at it again at the end of the therapy. "

That was in one of the first sessions around a year and a half ago. My therapist turned out to be right. But let me start over:

If you know my most personal article (Strong, not fat.) On this blog, you will know how I felt about my figure for a long time. How I always envied the thin girlswho could enter their true weight in profiles without hesitation. Who jumped up to the piggyback exercise in school sports without hesitation. Who slipped the slide in bikini without hesitation in outdoor swimming pools for school trips.

I was hoping for bad (bathing) weather wore a flattering swimsuit and pulled in my stomach. On photos I checked my profile, my stomach, my thighs one after the other - finally my (strong, not fat) face.

When I was 15, I bought books on nutrition and exercise, started jogging, and did strength exercises on my carpet.

Today I believe that if I had invested the same amount of time in more self-love, I would have been spared a lot.

One more reason for me to spare you tips about eating and exercise today. You already know them all.

I'm all about how you deal with your worries accept you step by step and strengthen your self-esteem.

I also still have a lot of learning potential here. Do not think that you are alone.

The variety of feeling unwell

In my naivete, I couldn't imagine that even thin people could doubt themselves (spoilers: they do!). In recent years, however, it has become clear to me that all kinds of people struggle with themselves for all kinds of reasons. More precisely: almost no one is satisfied with themselves. Everyone has to carry their (optical) package.

  • A friend of mine is little and is often mistaken for a teenager. Other girlfriends are tall and slim, but find it difficult to find compatible men with regrets.
  • A friend of mine felt too thin for years. After an injury, he gained ten kilograms (which you can't tell because he's over 1.90 meters tall) - now he thinks he needs to “do something urgently”.
  • Just last week a very pretty (and slender) friend complained about her purportedly does not tighten thighs. I was stunned and said: "When women like you doubt yourself, we really are at an end."
  • Another young woman is about to finish high school, is highly intelligent, creative, athletic, has a great smile and beautiful hair. If only it weren't for her troubled skin. In the face, of all places. So obvious, so great the shame. So unnecessary - in my eyes - because the flaw fades with all the great uniqueness about her.

Which package do you have to carry? Maybe you don't like your teeth, that one mole, your birthmark, your receding hairline. You'd like to get rid of your glasses, even though glasses are currently in. You may think you have too thin hair, too thick hair, too little hair, too much hair, or hair in the wrong places.

Your best enemy

Maybe you are right. You, of all people, got an extra dose of ugliness. But you are much more likely to be a completely normal person. You are unique, have captivating eyes and a bright smile. You compare yourself to those around you and are your harshest critic. Like me. And Patrick.

Just as he failed numerous attempts at dieting, so did I Tried a few things over the years to get closer to my ideal. I have made up my mind from tomorrow to eat less, Avoiding carbohydrates, never buying sweets again and starving yourself in the evening. It didn't work, as I have described in my learnings over the past few years.

I only harvested self-destructive thoughts and hostile behavior towards myself. What should unrealistic plans bring in addition to disappointment at not having made it again? Again not having persevered. To have become weak again.

I only realized late that I my biggest critic am not the others. (Okay, there have been isolated incidents of bullying, but that was back in the days of Sailormoon and Tamagochis.)

Why are we acting like our greatest enemy when we might as well be our best friend? Why do we trample on each other when we need someone who pats us on the shoulder, who also praises us, who assures us that everything is fine?

I become all the more aware of the hostility of my thoughts towards myself when I try to put myself in the shoes of an outsider. When I imagine that If someone from the outside directed my self-criticism at me, I would sometimes be shocked. I would avoid the person because they are not good for me.

I surround myself prefer to be with people who say something nice to me. After all, that's what I do in real life. Nothing against a healthy amount of self-criticism! But why that He has not even miss a muzzle in me?

What you and I need to learn is how to be kind to ourselves. To reconcile with ourselves. To make peace.

Because we are unique. Because every person looks different. Because the look is unimportant, which is easily forgotten - in a world of photoshopped glossy posters.

Become your best friend

The thought is relatively new to me too: I can do myself consciously choose to be kind to me. If I don't concentrate on it, the critic in me automatically emerges and exercises his office - as it has for years. Therefore, I have to make an active effort and sow new thought patterns in myself. I need new thinking habits that often have nothing to do with my figure.

I would like to have a benevolent voice in my head that doesn't pick at me, but also says: “You look good. Come on, show them! " Or: “Everything is okay. If you could have done better, you would have done better. "

In the following I want you some inspirations give how you can take a step towards self-love and reconciliation with yourself:

  1. Reading tip: If you don't already know him, read my article Vigorously. Not fat. Maybe knowing that you not alone with your doubts are. The numerous comments will also strengthen this feeling in you.
  2. Reading tip: A touching, but also amusing article about a woman who is never allowed to be photographed and at some point realized that no one pays attention to her figure in photos.
  3. Video tip: Models are attracted, coiffed, styled and made up by a horde of people. Still theirs will be Photos and spots then edited beyond recognition. No wonder that you score worse and worse in comparison with the unrealistic ideal images. If you don't believe this, check out this video.
  4. Writing exercise: Take a note. Yes, now, not later. Write down, what you find good and beautiful about yourself. Focus on your strengths instead of your flaws. Include non-optical strengths as well. If you can't think of anything, put yourself in an outside role: if you were a friend, what would you like about yourself? What are you good at What do others ask you for advice?
  5. Visualization: In the future you want to be nice to yourself instead of fighting yourself, reproaching yourself or putting yourself down. Introduce yourself, how someone would behave who is invariably kind to you. Who would never express a hint of criticism. What would that someone say? How would he praise you? As a reminder, you can write down the thoughts and repeat them every now and then. You could read them through before bed to anchor them in your head.
  6. Consideration: So you doubt yourself because of flaw XY, okay. Just think about whether it is still important If you only had one year to live. I know this thought is always strong, but it helps you classify the relevance of problems. As you read in the article about having photos taken, life doesn't wait. It's not worth waiting until you eventually become slimmer, prettier, or hairier. While you are worrying, life just goes on.
  7. Reality check: A technique that a psychologist once advised me to use is to get through my own worries Comparison with reality invalidate. You ask close friends or family members whether your doubts are justified. Do they find your nose really big? Is your skin unclean? Is your stomach flabby? Typically, they will tell you that they have never noticed Blemish XY. If they do, they will say something else benevolently to you because they like you. Because they know and appreciate your strengths.
  8. Practice self-love: For more self-love we should spend more time with ourselves. Not surfing the Internet or watching TV, but consciously doing something good. You can do this in the form of blissful time, a rendezvous with yourself, or a self-care date (described in more detail here). In practice this means: Spend a day (a few hours / minutes) with yourself regularly, if possible without distraction. Take a bath, make yourself beautiful, pretzel yourself, take care of your nails, do what is good for you.
  9. Appointment for self-realization: Take your time for a Heart project. Have you always wanted to build a table, crochet a hat, paint a watercolor or write a blog? This is what this weekly appointment is intended for. Self-actualization contributes to your self-esteem because you should keep reminding yourself that you can do great things.
  10. If you're looking for more tips, you can find some here.

By the way: I formulate carefully and consciously and say: “Be occupied with self-love” and not: “Just love yourself!” The latter is easily said as an answer to figure worries or problems like loneliness etc. But I know how hard it is to love yourself if it has not played a role in a year (ten) eleven. After all, nobody teaches us in school either. So I think it takes a cautious approach to the subject. First of all, I was concerned that there could be such a thing. Then I read a few blog articles about it and will be ordering a few books soon. Maybe the ten ideas mentioned will help you and me.

In any case, my therapist was right: by taking care of myself, the "I'm-too-fat" thoughts faded into the background. It took a lot of effort to reactivate my social life, strengthen my self-awareness, and display healthier selfishness. But after a few months I felt better with it. At the same time, my self-confidence increased. My figure wasn't that important anymore. I also ate less for the wrong reasons as I clarified some basic issues. So my conscience couldn't keep reproaching me.

Today I think much less about what I eat when and why. That doesn't mean that I don't have bad phases too. But I know in moments like this That the problem is not my stomach, but my head.

I know it better now, my head. I know that when there is general uncertainty, he looks for a weak point to mess around with. He already knows what to get me with. With me it's the figure, with you maybe the skin or the nose. However, instead of “tampering with” these symptoms, we should look deeper and recognize the real reasons for the insecurity: low self-esteem and lack of self-love.

Therefore: Be kind to yourself. Then a lot will be easier.

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