How does a narcissist look for a partner

Mission impossible? When narcissism weighs on the relationship

Video by Alina Bertacca

Each of us has a bit of narcissistic traits. After all, we are important to ourselves and want to be loved and treated with respect. But this behavior is only ok as long as it does not exceed certain limits. However, it is different with someone who suffers from narcissism. One thing is most important to him in a relationship: that he himself is loved. Everything else is secondary.

Because a narcissist is a self-centered person who is characterized by selfishness, selfishness and arrogance, attaches less importance to other people and likes to be inconsiderate towards them.

Even in a relationship, the narcissist is primarily concerned with his ego, but also with power. With him, his love for himself is exaggerated to the point of being pathological, so it has reached a level that is good for himself - and certainly not for his partner at all. Because his exaggerated desire for recognition and confirmation is so great that the partner mutates into a mere helper. It is only there to give him what he needs - and loudly demand it.

Narcissists: Exciting & dazzling types

At first it looks very different. When you get to know a narcissist, you meet a very emotional, loving and caring person. Most of the time it is dazzling, captivating types who cast a spell over you. In the first phase of getting to know each other, you are cared for, almost mothered, protected, pampered and overwhelmed with expressions of emotion. You feel like a princess.

This phase of being newly in love is also what the narcissist loves (and needs). Because here you idealize your partner very much, you are full of admiration for him and you don't even see your mistakes.

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How does narcissism show in the relationship?

After a few months, however, that changes. While other "normal" couples are only now really intimate and growing together, the narcissistic relationship comes to a turning point. The benefits of the partner are no longer enough for the narcissist. He demands more, becomes uncomfortable and aggressive.

Then the narcissist begins to constantly set new rules, which of course he does not have to follow himself. He is dominant, does not forgive mistakes, no matter how small, is suspicious and domineering. He is bored with the everyday life of the relationship and constantly demands new concessions from his partner so that he can continue to live his ideal relationship.

He seems increasingly distant and annoyed, is moody and uncomfortable. No matter how hard the partner tries: she can no longer please him. And, of course, their own feelings and needs don't count at all.

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Narcissism in a relationship: what's behind the facade

Why the narcissist behaves this way is easy to explain. His initially so captivating personality is a spectacle to cover up his inner deficits, his fears, insecurities and his lack of self-confidence. Because as much as he looks outwardly like a person who is self-confident in life, it is exactly what he is really missing.

A narcissist longs for love and attention that he has not received in his life. And he is now trying to force this love from his partner. And in doses that would seem extremely exaggerated to any person who feels normal. However, the narcissist is so driven by his inner fears that he needs just that: constant reassurance.

Typical for narcissists: constant search for new partners

The dating life with its flirt portals and various contact possibilities benefits a narcissist nowadays. Since he always needs someone by his side who can give him confirmation in large quantities, he "consumes" his partner very quickly and is quickly looking for a new partner again.

The chance of getting into a narcissist when looking for a partner on the Internet is also high because the new form of flirting and data is the ideal area of ​​action for narcissists. Because on the dating portals you can show yourself from your best side - or in the way you would like to see yourself. Here the narcissist can shine with his ego and present himself as a dream type - and elegantly hide his fears and insecurities.

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Narcissism in Relationship: What Can I Do?

Unfortunately, one thing is clear: you cannot have a normal love relationship with a real narcissist. He is unable to do this. Because he does not love himself, he cannot feel or show love for others either. Therefore, unfortunately, nothing else helps than to draw your own conclusions if you suffer too much from the narcissistic behavior of your partner.

If you don't have a problem with this yourself, you can do it for a while. But every normally knitted person can't just give and let himself be tamed. At some point you also need something in return, and that the narcissist cannot give you. If you then become more negligent in your expressions of love and affirmations towards the narcissist, the terror begins even more. So you're really not doing yourself a favor.

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The classic victims: women with helper syndrome

Unfortunately, many women tend to have the helper syndrome. There is a great man who is so torn and has so many problems. And then, because of all the Samaritan thinking, you quickly forget that more than a dozen predecessors have burned their fingers on this guy with the same plan - and you run into your misfortune.

Therefore, dear helper syndrome women - because that's how we are, unfortunately, that's why we prefer the A +++ holes: Pull the rip cord. A real narcissist can only be cured by a psychologist. And narcissism and a loving relationship are almost incompatible. You will fail and be the ones who suffer.

Also read: Women and Their Self-Esteem: A Difficult Relationship

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