Why do we feel shy

Shyness and the comfort zone in which we feel comfortable

Introversion and shyness do not mean the same thing, even if these terms are often used together. Introversion is a perfectly normal trait. Introverts are reluctant, do not show their feelings so clearly, and enjoy spending time alone.

Shyness, on the other hand, is not a fixed character trait, but a learned behavior that is perceived by those affected as obstructive and unpleasant. Shy people have problems getting in touch with (strangers) people. E.g. nervous, wet hands, do not know what to say, or are afraid of doing something wrong. They are also afraid of being rejected and are thus inhibited and insecure in social situations. Usually they find it difficult to establish and maintain contacts and relationships. However, these things don't necessarily apply to introverts. It is true that people with a strong introversion are often shy and, conversely, shy people are mostly introverted. However, there are also shy extroverts, e.g. B. People who have frequent contact with others and are looking for them, but who are insecure, inhibited or nervous. Or people who talk a lot and persistently, but do not dare to address personal issues and let others get closer to them.

This is related to the so-called comfort zone. Each of us has a comfort zone, an area in which we feel comfortable. It includes things that we know and like: places (e.g. at home, work), people (e.g. friends, partners), activities (e.g. sports, hobbies), certain topics that we talk about like to talk (e.g. soccer, movies), etc. Shy people have trouble stepping out of their comfort zone around other people. When they do this, they feel uncomfortable and insecure. You need much longer to z. B. to get used to strange people or circumstances, and to feel comfortable with it. Being outside of their comfort zone usually means stress for them. Still, it is necessary to overcome shyness. Because shyness is not something that cannot be changed. Many shy teens put off their shyness as they grow up. But even shy adults can learn to lose their fear and shyness and work off their shy behavior. To do this, they have to expand their comfort zone step by step. Specific tips against shyness can be found on the Overcoming Shyness page.

Memorandum: Introvert means that someone is just shy, shyness, that someone has a hard time contacting other people. Both often come together, but they are far from always the case.

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