How does sex feel

How does an orgasm feel?

Photographed by Lula Hyers.
Nobody can really explain the feeling of being in love or of being at the party of the year. But when the time comes, you'll notice it, that's for sure. It looks different when it comes to orgasm: Was it one, wasn't it? Orgasms can be explosive, unobtrusive, loud, gentle and actually everything else in between. The good news is, if you don't know exactly what an orgasm "should" feel like, you're not alone.
Vanessa Marin is a sex therapist and specializes in bringing people closer to orgasm. In her experience, most people don't dare to talk about whether or not they have orgasms and how the sex feels to them. “It is a widespread fear among women that they cannot have orgasms if they cannot say with 100% certainty whether they have any.” But in fact, the therapist says that orgasms can and even feel extremely different from person to person one and the same person “can experience different orgasms differently”.
Some women have fulfilling sex lives without ever orgasming. The reasons for this are different, but the result is not as dramatic as it may sound at first. You don't have to cross an imaginary finish line to have good sex. However, if you are not sure whether or not you may have orgasms or whether you would like to further explore your orgasm potential, we have put together the most frequently asked questions about female orgasms and asked experts to answer them.
What exactly is an orgasm?
For many, the orgasm may seem like a mystical magic trick. Sex therapist Marin explains, however, that this is simply "the climax of the sexual experience". Sex therapist Dr. Shannon Chavez takes it a little more pragmatically and describes orgasms as "reflexes of the body" or as a side effect of a deeply felt pleasure. So what exactly you call orgasm is secondary. More importantly, while you're at it, you shouldn't worry about whether you're really going to get one or not. Instead, it helps if you focus your attention on enjoying the beautiful aspects of sex as they happen, advises the therapist. "If you concentrate on your own arousal, you can feel different reactions of your body and practice building tension and releasing it into your body." If you are aroused enough, it can lead to orgasm, she says.
How does an orgasm feel?
In short, an orgasm feels like an “intense build-up of tension followed by a release of energy into the body. You can recognize this by different sensations in different parts of the body, especially in the one that is being stimulated, ”says Dr. Chavez. Many people assume that this is accompanied by a sense of relief or even liberation, but this does not necessarily happen, according to the therapist Marin. What happens purely physically is that "the brain is flooded with messenger substances that trigger a feeling of euphoria and attachment," explains Dr. Chavez. Marin adds that an orgasm can best be described with the word "pleasure". “Do you feel better after sex than you did before? Then you probably had an orgasm. "
What happens in your body when you have an orgasm?
Sex therapist Vanessa Marin explains, "One physical signal that is pretty straightforward is involuntary muscle twitching." If you feel like your vaginal wall, thighs, buttocks, or abdominal muscles are contracting or twitching, that's a pretty clear sign of an orgasm. "Some people become very sensitive after a sexual climax and experience throbbing, twitching, nerve flutter and tingling," says Dr. Chavez. Also, your breathing or heart rhythm can change, she adds. Some also get red spots on their face or cleavage, says Marin.
But we would like to make it clear again that everyone reacts differently to an orgasm. Even if you are not experiencing any of these physical cues, you may have climaxed. But basically, these are the classic signs to look out for.
How do I get an orgasm?
The most important thing is that you are relaxed. Many people get so focused on orgasm that they lose all arousal. Dr. Chavez says that sexual climaxes don't just happen to most, but are "a learned reaction." This means that how you experience an orgasm depends on how well you know your own body. Marin shares the same opinion, offering the tip to masturbate to find out what works best for your body. "It's quite normal that you need a little orientation to figure out what your body needs." "In the end," says Dr. Chavez, "exercise is most likely to lead to orgasm." So, take the time to get to know yourself, your anatomy, and your arousal better. Then you have a good chance of having an orgasm sooner or later.