Mathematicians get along with physicists

"What happened to you and your sweet little friend, the mathematician?" - "I left her ... I call her - she tells me that she is lying in bed and struggling with 3 strangers ..."

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Mathematicians hunt elephants by traveling to Africa, burning down everything that is not an elephant, and then removing one element of the residue.

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An engineer doesn't understand anything after a physicist's lecture:
1. Does the speaker speak of 8-dimensional spaces, and
2. the mathematician next to him seems to understand everything.
During the break, the engineer asks the mathematician to explain the lecture to him one more time. The mathematician replies: "First I imagine an n-dimensional space, and then I only simplify the problem to the special case n = 8."

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A mathematician goes hunting in his spare time. When he has a rabbit in front of the barrel of his rifle, he pulls the trigger - but the rabbit hits a hook so that the ball flies by 10 cm to the right of the rabbit. The same thing happens on the second attempt, but this time the ball passes 10 cm to the left of the rabbit. When the rabbit runs away again, the mathematician no longer understands the world and says: "From a purely statistical point of view, I scored twice!"

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Why is a computer scientist better than a mathematician?
- Thanks to the binary number system, he can continue to calculate with his fingers!

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How much is three times seven? Very fine sand! And what is four times six? Exhausting...

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A mathematician wants to buy a color film. Asks the saleswoman: "24 times 36" Then the mathematician: "864, why?"

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A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician make their first parachute jump. Before that, your instructor will explain exactly what you have to do: jump out, count to 3 and pull the rip cord. The physicist jumps. But counting to 3 is far too imprecise and too primitive for him. Rather, he calculates the exact point at which he has to pull the rip cord from his height and falling speed in order to land just softly. He pulls the leash and comes up optimally. The engineer as a practical person thinks: Counting to 3 is far too unsafe and therefore too dangerous ... he jumps and immediately pulls the rip cord. It takes a little longer for him, but he also lands unscathed. The two of them see the mathematician jump out of the plane. This falls ... and falls ... and falls ... No parachute opens and finally it hits the ground. Fortunately, it ends up in a haystack. The physicist and the engineer run horrified to the haystack. When they dig it up, they hear him say: "... from this it follows by induction: t = 3."

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The math teacher says to his class: "You are so bad that 90% of you will have to repeat the year". Then a student: "But we are not that many!"

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The math teacher stands in front of the blackboard on which the functions f1 (x) = 0 and f2 (x) = 1 / x are painted. He explains: "They meet at infinity." Then a student: "How romantic!"

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A pupil finds twenty marks and gives it back to his math teacher. He says: "Isn't there a 10% finder's reward for that?" Then the teacher: "Don't be so greedy, here you have five marks and now get out of here!"

So much for the education of German teachers ...

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In an exam, the student receives 0 points for the calculation (a + b) ² = a² + b². Then he complains: "Why do I only get 0 points ??? The task is 2/3 correct !!!" (Because: (a + b) ² = a² + 2ab + b²)

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In In my math book I found the following math problem:

Chase curve 1. Four living beings in love (two male and two female) are currently sitting t= 0 in the points (± 1; ± 1). Suddenly everyone recognizes their neighbor and strives at a constant speed v towards this.
Determine:
- in the x, y) homogeneous DGL of the tracks,
- the DGL of the orbits in polar coordinates r '= f (phi, r),
- the general solution of both DGLs.
Do the four living beings reach their destination after a finite time, how long does it take for a group of six living beings?

Anyone who knows the solution can email it to me; I didn't think of it ...

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This website was created by © Sven Keßler on March 1st, 1998 and updated on March 23rd, 2000.