How is a confident person supposed to walk

Strengthen self-confidence: 20 tips & 3 exercises

Self-confidence is one of those terms that accompany us every day through life. And the sad reality is: Most people in Germany suffer from problems with their own self-esteem. While others seem to have gotten too much of it and success falls to them, be it professionally or privately, more and more Germans are struggling with a lack of self-confidence. No wonder then that we are developing more and more into a narcissistic society. But here comes the good news: We don't have control over how much self-confidence is given to us in our childhood, but we can act at any time. Because self-confidence can develop, and not just passively, but you can actively learn and strengthen it. How? We'll tell you that in today's article.

1. What does self-confidence actually mean?
2. Are self-esteem and self-confidence the same thing?
3. As always in life, it is all about the right amount
4. Where does our self-confidence actually come from?
5. Actively strengthen self-confidence: This is how it works
6. Checklist: Strengthen your self-confidence in 20 simple steps
7. 3 effective exercises for increased self-confidence
8. Self-awareness is the first path to self-love

What does self-confidence actually mean?

The word self-confidence actually speaks for itself: It's about being aware of yourself. Often we don't know ourselves as well as we might think. Our thoughts, emotions and actions have automated themselves over the years, we no longer reflect on them and often do not even know whether we are happy or what makes or could make us happy. Instead, we live in a self-affirming cycle of self-doubt, fears, and negative experiences that further reinforce our negative thoughts.

A self-confident person, on the other hand, can reflect and actively control himself as a person as well as his experiences, ways of thinking and emotions. So he has a self-image that is as realistic as possible. From this he makes important decisions for his life, leaves things behind that make him unhappy and looks specifically for a job, hobbies or people in his life that are good for him.

Self-confident people therefore shine deep satisfaction with themselves and their lives that is downright attractive to other, insecure people. Therefore "pull" self-confident people often seemingly effortlessly view their professional and private success.

Are Self Awareness and Confidence the Same?

The terms self-confidence and self-confidence are often used as synonyms, but in principle they have different meanings. Because self-confidence is only one aspect of self-confidence. Those who are self-aware can also perceive their strengths and weaknesses more clearly. Self-confident people know what they can trust themselves and where the limits are. This is how they gain a greater confidence in their abilities and dare to do more. A very important quality in the job.

As always in life, it's all about getting the right amount

Self-awareness and self-confidence are very important ingredients for a happy and fulfilling life, both privately and at work. Many people, however, acquire an artificially inflated self-confidence or mechanisms to fake it. So it's no wonder that many of the self-confident young managers stumble sooner or later. Because behind the apparently so self-confident facade, there is often an insecure and often narcissistic character.

Reading tip: Cabinet of horrors in the office: is your boss a psychopath?

People with feelings of inferiority, on the other hand, also attract something magical: Disappointments. How should your boss trust you to do a job if you don't do it yourself? False modesty is just as out of place in your job as excessive self-confidence. So, as is so often the case in life, self-confidence is about finding the right level.

Where does our self-confidence actually come from?

While some people naturally have healthy self-esteem, there is a lot of work ahead of many others. But where do these different starting conditions actually come from? As usual in psychology, the answer to this question lies in childhood. Early childhood experiences form the basis for a later healthy or lacking self-confidence of a person. Building on this, the experiences during childhood, adolescence and also in adulthood can consolidate this foundation or also gradually undermine self-confidence. Fortunately, according to psychologists and scientists, the mechanism also works in the other direction:

Self-confidence and self-confidence can be actively learned and (again) strengthened through the interaction of thought power, emotions and positive experiences. All it takes is the will and a lot of discipline.

Actively strengthen self-confidence: This is how it works

In principle, the way to more self-confidence is very simple and uses the mechanism of self-fulfilling prophecy: What you think is going to happen. So if you have little self-confidence, you focus on the negative experiences in your life, are confirmed by them and lose more and more self-confidence. Instead, when you start to think positively and focus on the positive experiences, you will build your self-esteem and turn the spiral around.

Reading tip: Learn positive thinking: In 10 steps to a new attitude towards life!

So much for theory. In practice this is unfortunately anything but easy. Because your thoughts and emotions are deeply rooted and you now have to force your brain to realign the neural connections. In this short video the mechanism is explained in a very simple and understandable way:

Checklist: Strengthen your self-confidence in 20 simple steps

  • Walk upright.
  • Strengthen your body through exercise.
  • Find personal motivation, for example through a reward system.
  • Focus on your strengths.
  • Laugh as much as you can. A smile instantly makes you happier, give it a try!
  • Don't take yourself too seriously and laugh at yourself too.
  • Approach people openly and you will find recognition.
  • Accept your weaknesses and admit mistakes.
  • Stop criticizing yourself.
  • Learn to take criticism personally, but not personally.
  • Set goals that make you happy.
  • Banish thoughts of the past and live in the here and now.
  • Just think positively about the future.
  • You should be comfortable with your skin, weight, hairstyle, etc. If not, now is the time to act.
  • Accept a compliment too.
  • Stand up for yourself, your needs and your limits.
  • Speak your wishes out loud.
  • Learn to stick to your limits by saying no.
  • Make new friends.
  • Get rid of negative thoughts right away.

3 effective exercises for increased self-confidence

But you can not only strengthen your self-confidence with your everyday, new behavior. You can also work effectively on your self-image through the following three exercises:

1. Say goodbye to negative thoughts!

The most important and actually only basic rule of the described mechanism for more self-confidence is often also the most difficult. You can therefore become a little trick to grab:

Cut a strip about 30 centimeters long from a piece of fabric (thick paper or cardboard is also possible if necessary). Now color the first ten centimeters green, the second third yellow and the last ten centimeters red.

Every time you immediately catch yourself harboring negative thoughts, criticizing yourself, or building negative expectations, cut off an inch. Over time you will approach the yellow or even red line more and more slowly. While you may have to create a new strip several times to get started, the goal is that at some point you never have to tear off an inch again. So you can literally watch your success.

2. Take courage in 30 seconds

Should a specific situation arise that you are afraid of for any reason, collect yourself for 30 seconds. In these 30 seconds you breathe calmly and deeply, close your eyes and count from 30 to 0 with concentration. This is how you get all other thoughts, especially negative ones, out of your head. It is important that you get up at “0” and tackle the situation, for example the task ahead, the conversation with the boss or the bungee jump. After 30 seconds there is no turning back!

3. Learn to love yourself

Many people would like to love themselves, but don't even know where to start. When you look in the mirror, you don't like who is looking at you, you are actually completely overqualified for your job and your partner has only recently left you. Yet: Everyone has already had successes in life, has talents and endearing qualities. So take a piece of paper and a pen and write down at least ten things you like about yourself. This could be past career success, your hair, or that you are a helpful person. Little by little you will come up with more and more things and maybe at some point you will not only be able to like yourself, but truly love yourself.

Self-awareness is the first path to self-love

Having a strong self-esteem is of great importance in so many areas of our life. Above all, it is the first step towards self-love and a happy and fulfilled life that results from it. Wrote on his 70th birthday Charlie Chaplin the following wise words:

When I started to love myself ...
I understood that I always and at every opportunity
am in the right place at the right time
and that everything that happens is right
is - from then on I could be calm.
Today I know: that's what it's called

When I started to love myself
I could tell that
emotional pain and suffering
only warnings for me are against
to live my own truth.
Today I know: that's what it's called

When I started to love myself
I understand how much it can offend someone
when I try to impose my wishes on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and man not ready
and even if I was that person myself.
Today I know: that's what it's called

When I started to love myself
I stopped looking myself after
to yearn for another life
and could see that everything around me was an invitation to grow.
Today I know that's what you call it

When I started to love myself
have I stopped depriving myself of my free time
and i stopped going grandiose
Design projects for the future.
Today I only do what brings me joy and happiness
what I love and what makes my heart laugh
in my own way and at my own rhythm.
Today I know that's what you call it

When I started to love myself
I got rid of everything that wasn't healthy for me,
of food, people, things, situations
and of everything that keeps me going
pulled down, away from myself.
At first I called it "healthy egoism",
but today i know that is

When I started to love myself
I've stopped wanting to always be right
so I was less wrong.
Today I realized: that's what you call it

When I started to love myself
I refused to continue
to live in the past
and worry about my future.
Now I only live in this moment where EVERYTHING takes place
this is how I live every day today,
Day by day, and name it

When I started to love myself
then I realized that my thinking was me
can hinder and make you sick. When I myself
but connected to my heart, got
the mind a valuable ally.
I call this connection today

We don't need to face arguments,
Fear conflicts and problems with ourselves and others,
because even stars pop up sometimes
each other and new worlds arise.
Today I know:

Hopefully it won't take you 70 years to understand that self-love and self-esteem go hand in hand and are the key to professional and personal happiness. And we would like to give you something else along the way: Let us help you on your way. Problems with self-esteem can be ingrained and psychotherapy can be very effective in this. Find your personal path to more self-confidence and share your experiences with us in the comments.

How did you become more self-confident? What are your personal tips and tricks? And above all: How has your professional and perhaps also private life changed due to more self-confidence?

Photo by Fernando Brasil on


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